By Susan Temple, MA, BCC, ACEP
Do you ever think about what is restful to you? It’s not something that is talked about much in our culture, which is focused so heavily on doing. There is nothing wrong with being productive, but when we don’t allow time for balance between productivity and rest, we can find ourselves in a never-ending cycle of doing. So long as we are living, there will be things that we need to “get done.” Many of us think we can’t rest until we are done with all the things, which means we don’t allow space for rest until we are so exhausted or sick that we have no choice. But happily, we can learn how to create space for rest in our lives.
I’m currently reading Courtney Carver’s book, “Gentle: Rest More, Stress Less, and Live the Life You Actually Want.” Courtney is a coach who teaches people how to simplify their lives so that they can be more fully present and LIVING, not just doing. She has created habits in her own life that make space for rest, and that keep her feeling more present and relaxed. She calls them “The New Rules of Rest,” and I think they are worth sharing.
Courtney Carver’s New Rules of Rest
Thou shalt read at least a few pages of a good book or listen to relaxing music and enjoy a cup of tea before checking email or social media in the morning.
Thou shalt take a nap or a bath long before there is a check mark next to every single thing on thine to-do list.
Thou shalt not wait for the weekend to rest or for a vacation to relax.
Thou shalt not apologize for resting and relaxing.
Before finishing the dishes or cleaning up the house, thou shalt watch an episode of Gilmore Girls or go for a walk.
Thou shalt ease through hard days instead of pushing through them.
When people tell thee, “No pain, no gain” or “I’m so busy” or “I can sleep when I’m dead,” though shalt gently tell people to eff off or simply smile and share this book with them.
Thou shalt use free time to be free, not to catch up (and there shalt be no worrying about catching up after rest and relaxation).
Thou shalt not compare thine productivity or busyness to the productivity or busyness of others, understanding that it only glorifies the thing that is tearing us down and wearing us out.
Thou shalt relax and claim thine rest as a right not a reward.
If all of this sounds radical to you, you’re not alone. It’s not what most of us have learned to do. If the idea of learning to consciously add more rest and ease into your life appeals to you, Courtney suggests starting any of these rules with a tiny step. For example, for #1, you could start with reading one page of a good book when you wake up in the morning, adding more pages as that feels good to you. For #6, if you’re having a hard day, ask yourself, “What is one tiny thing I could do right now to give myself more ease?” Allow yourself to wonder what is restful for you and take tiny steps toward adding more of that to your life. What “Rules of Rest” would you want to follow?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and feelings about this idea of resting. You can reach me at susan@lifecoachsusantemple.com. For more from Courtney Carver, go to www.bemorewithless.com. If you sign up for her email list, you will get lots of free tips on how to simplify your life.